I have so many ideas for blog posts. Personal experiences I want to write about. Advice I want to give, to other people who have been unwell, to the family and friends caring for people with chronic illnesses and to the doctors who treat us.
However.
At the moment I’m going through a whopper of a relapse. A humdinger. A harbinger of illness and destruction.
In other words- utter pants.
Just looking after myself takes all my energy. Trying to get up the stairs is like that moment when you‘ve been hiking for five hours and you finally see the top of the mountain. It feels a little bit too far and you’re exhausted and you hurt all over and you’re breathing hard and your body is ready to collapse but you force yourself up, because you’re nearly at the top. As I drag my feet up I like to imagine I’m holding a flag, so that when I reach the top of my mountain of twenty five stairs, I can plant it and feel some sense of achievement.
Yes, illness brings out the bonkers in us all.
The strangest bit about having M.E?
Those moments you stop feeling ill. I can pretend for five glorious minutes that I’m not unwell, because for those five, ten, sixty minutes I feel fine. Seriously it’s weird and amazing and very, very cruel. Take this morning when I felt well enough to have a bit of a boogey as I was getting dressed, but this afternoon I didn’t have the energy to make a proper lunch. It’s strange and unpredictable. I wish I could get a time table at the beginning of the day of when I will feel better/worse.
You may notice I’ve not explained M.E/CFS. In fact I’ve not explained anything really, at all. Well I’m carving out 15 minutes of concentrating from a day of unrelenting illness. When I feel better I will figure out this blog business. For the moment I’m just enjoying getting my incoherent thoughts down.
Brain shut down is occurring.
Reboot. Reboot.
TOO ILL TO CONTINUE WRITING. Flashes across brain.
…..
sleep on repeat 